I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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