Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
