She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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