What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
