any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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