Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
