just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
