This girl is more easily done than said...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
