I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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