I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
