I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
