So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
