so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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