Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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