even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
