Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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