i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Mom said you looked used
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
