Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
