Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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