that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
