Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
