bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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