mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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