Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
ttyl tear gas
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
