If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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