You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
