the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
