i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize