I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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