so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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