Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
