Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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