Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
