I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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