So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
