You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
