Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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