Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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