I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
my poor anus
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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