Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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