not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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