Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
