so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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