Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
