it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
