Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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