who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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