I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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