I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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