go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
