problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
