That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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