He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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