She's JV to your varsity
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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