apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
