The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
