You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
