You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
