Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
