No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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