Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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