Taylor Swift is so right about you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
