Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
