I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
