I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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