Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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