It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
