even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
