goodnight i made you a song goodbye
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
