if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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