I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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