If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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