Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
