Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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