Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
