I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize