I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
