I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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