fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
