i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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