Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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