I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
