You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
