Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
