NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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