I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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