I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize