hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
