yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
