If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
