what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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