dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
