Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
