How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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