Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
