I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
