Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
