All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize