i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We need to get me chipped asap
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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