i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
