Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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