ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
