Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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