you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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