he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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