apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
