Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
