There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
