office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
