wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
