I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just cropdusted the office
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
