the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
