You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Do vagina's smell?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
