Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
