I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's rum buckets o'clock
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize