I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
